AsianScientist (Aug. 15, 2016) – It was one of those days. I was running experiments, writing reports and advising other lab members on various things, all at the same time.
At one point, I had to enter a lab while juggling some chemicals, meaning I was gloved-up. I said “I need more arms,” and the person I was advising took note and opened the door for me.
Later, as I sat down at my desk, I looked up and saw another colleague about to knock on my door. I exclaimed, “I need a moment to check my emails!”
Then, after our conversation, I peered at my mug and sighed, “I need a hot drink.”
At this point, the person who had been tailing me all day chuckled and said, “What else do you need as a scientist?”
“I need more patience,” I muttered while resisting the desire to destroy them with my death stare.
But they got me thinking—What do scientists need?!
- A magical cupboard, but not the Narnia kind
How many times have you checked a cupboard in the lab, only to find that all the bottles of that reagent you needed have been all used up? Or there isn’t quite enough to fulfill the experimental requirements?
How many times have you tried to use some equipment only to find that it wasn’t washed or is currently being serviced?
How many times have you seen people throw tantrums because there’s no more coffee (or milk to go with said coffee)?
I think we can all agree that life can only be improved by the invention of magical cupboards that always refill themselves with enough aliquots of antibodies, jars of chemicals, electrodes that have been prepared in advance, and fully-charged batteries.
And most importantly, the cupboard would have a special cake shelf, because we could always do with more cake.
- A time machine
Of course, I’m sure some of you are scoffing at me and thinking “Well, if you’d just planned things properly, you wouldn’t find yourself needing something that you don’t have.”
That’s true, but I’m sure that some of you have been in situations where things had to be cancelled for reasons beyond your control. For example, I’m sure you’re all familiar with the situation where you’ve ordered something—a vial of antibodies, a piece of equipment, maybe even a service technician—but for whatever reason, delivery has been delayed.
If you’d known there would be a supply problem, you could use a time machine to go back and order that thing two months ago. In fact, a time machine would be handy in general.
Just think: if you had one, you would not start that experiment that will end up being destroyed during a fire drill; or you would remember to turn off the tap on the nitrogen bottle so that it doesn’t run out; or you would advise your boss not to hire that lazy postdoc…
- A double who can be everywhere that you can’t be
For those of you who are concerned about disrupting the time-space continuum, a time machine just won’t cut it. The other option would be a double. While you’re in the lab conducting your experiments for the day, your double could be analyzing the results of the ones already completed!
While one of you is attending meetings, the other could be writing grant applications. The possibilities are endless!
There would be no more guilt over loss of productivity if you wanted to take a week’s vacation after attending an overseas conference. Just leave your double at home to answer emails and all the rest of your usual tasks.
You and your double could take turns to give lectures, socialize, see family, write papers, go to the gym… basically, with a double, it will finally be possible to achieve a semblance of a work-life balance.
- More funding
A few years ago, I read an incredibly depressing article which said that given a lack of employment stability and increasing competition for a decreasing fund pool, there would come a time when only independently wealthy people would choose to be scientists.
Be honest, who hasn’t worried about whether their student stipend could last long enough to pay the month’s rent and textbooks, or if the lab budget has enough leeway to pay for some new equipment to replace that ancient thing that finally died?
And who wouldn’t love to have a billionaire stroll into the lab and say, “Here’s that dream instrument you saw at the conference and $5 million to cover your running costs for the next few years. I’ll even throw in enough money to pay for all your publications to be open access!”
It’s a sweet, sweet dream.
And on the topic of dreams, all scientists need…
- More sleep
No explanation required!
This article is from a monthly column called The Sometimes Serious Scientist. Click here to see the other articles in this series.
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Source: Asian Scientist Magazine; Photo: Shutterstock.
Disclaimer: This article does not necessarily reflect the views of AsianScientist or its staff.
