AsianScientist (Sep. 19, 2014) – By Alice Ly – It is a truth universally acknowledged that every lab has the same people in it, no matter which lab you’re in. While there may be slight variations, here are some of the key people in your lab and how to spot them.
The Big Boss
The name that names your lab. The name that signed your contract. The name at the end of your papers. But the reason why I’m referring to the Big Boss as ‘The name’ is because they’re probably travelling between various locations where they are professors or to international conferences and you don’t actually see them much other than their name.
How to spot them: By the look of fear and hurried actions of people when they realize that the Big Boss is on campus today and wants to talk to them.
The Actual Boss
While the Big Boss is globetrotting, this is the person who you really discuss work with and who you really answer to. Highly trusted by the Big Boss to keep the lab running smoothly while they’re not there, the Actual Boss is usually a PI who doesn’t do their own work anymore because they are too busy attending meetings on the Big Boss’ behalf.
How to spot them: Usually in their office writing grants for the Big Boss.
The Super Postdoc/PhD student
These people have been around long enough to know where everything is in the lab, all the techniques, and who to ask on campus if you want access to a special machine. One rung below but with less stress, Super Postdocs may often turn into the Actual Boss. However, the Super PhD may decide to leave the lab as they see that the position of Super Postdoc is already filled.
How to spot them: Demonstrating the use of a machine, how to do a dissection, or happily looking at and discussing your data.
The Lazy Postdoc
Possibly recently graduated, this is the person who works just a little enough to (possibly) justify their position and salary, but more likely enrages everyone by arriving late, leaving early and taking vacations, making you all wonder what it is they actually do. If you were present at the time of their hiring, you possibly wonder to this day how they worked enough to get their PhD and what kind of black magic was cast during their job interview.
How to spot them: Drinking coffee in the tea room or reading the newspaper at their computer.
The Ambitious PhD
The Ambitious PhD works long, works hard and works well. They’ll look at disparate pieces of data and suddenly pull it all together to come to conclusions that make perfect sense. This often means that they are rewarded with jealousy-inducing High Impact Papers, but you always feel a bit of thrill when they ask you if you can contribute an experiment to their study because that means you’ll also be an author! The Ambitious PhD isn’t concerned with popularity though and is often rewarded with postdoc positions in places like Harvard or Oxford.
How to spot them: On the stage, receiving awards.
The Undergrad/Intern Student
These young and shiny ambitious people thought that they would like to experience working in a lab. Then they discovered that TV lied to them and that PCRs can’t tell you the name of whose hair was found on the towel at the crime scene.
How to spot them: The look of confusion on their face as they read a protocol or look at the collection of different bottles to make assorted buffers.
The Senior Technician
This person has seen them come and seen them go. They are probably the master of a specialised technique like Electron Microscopy or a Machine Whisperer and therefore cannot and never will be fired. Usually friendly and happy to demonstrate their area of expertise, beware of ever getting on their bad side.
How to spot them: By their lab coat.
The Engineer/IT Person
If your group is lucky enough to have one these people, you better thank your lucky stars and start learning how to make their favourite food. This is the person you call to offer your first born child when the machine repeatedly flashes an error signal or when your computer won’t load the data you spent 18 hours collecting yesterday.
How to spot them: All the technical hardware on their desks and all the cakes given to them by grateful researchers for being able to recover the data or fix a machine
The Big Boss’ PA
Although technically not part of the lab and probably never a scientist, if this person is there, they are likely to be the most powerful person in the lab. As controller of the Big Boss’ schedule and possibly keeper of finances, they can make or break when your project progress report is due and if there is enough lab money available for you to buy enough reagents to complete your experiment.
How to spot them: By that organised look and their ability to pull up the appropriate calendar or spreadsheet to answer your question.
This article is from a monthly column called The Sometimes Serious Scientist. Click here to see the other articles in this series.
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Copyright: Asian Scientist Magazine; Photo: Arnuad DG/Flickr/CC.
Disclaimer: This article does not necessarily reflect the views of AsianScientist or its staff.
