AsianScientist (Sep. 14, 2015) – We watch a lot of documentaries in our house. Having a science-obsessed kid means that we’ve gone through most of the library’s catalog of BBC, PBS, National Geographic, Discovery and History Channel DVDs.
And while I have absorbed the odd factoid (bear with me, I’m usually doing something else when the documentaries are playing in the background, like cooking/baking/cleaning/working/wrestling the remote from the toddler), one of the important things I’ve learnt is that there are five different narrators voicing all documentaries.
Trust me. I’ve spent the last three years going about my daily life with science documentaries as my life’s soundtrack. It really does boil down to these five guys:
1. The omniscient God voice
Is there a more authoritative, all-knowing voice than the measured cadences of Morgan Freeman? In Discovery’s Through the Wormhole, Mr. Freeman guides us earthlings through humankind’s most puzzling mysteries.
Under his far-reaching gaze, we are guided through the exploration of such mind-boggling issues as the creation of the cosmos (random chance or by the will a Creator?) and whether we are alone in the infinite expanse of universe.
His reassuring wisdom reaches out and cradles the viewer, and calms us as we tackle these existential conundrums head-on. We smile, and nod in agreement, even as we are left in a bemused haze at the end of each episode.
Such is the power of the Morgan Freeman God-like narrator.
2. The benevolent professor
Whether he is describing the excruciating moment when a cheetah pounces on a baby gazelle, or when an ant is turned into a zombie by a cordycep capable of mind-control (I absolutely kid you not), the benevolent professor’s calm and academic approach somehow makes even the freakiest occurrence palatable.
Sir David Attenborough—he who voices BBC’s extraordinary Planet Earth and other seminal offerings—is the leader of this guild. He is the one whom you want alongside you, as Frodo says, here at the end of all things.
He has perfected the impressive ability to remain detached yet caring, and is the one voice I would personally want to hear if I was surrounded by the fire and brimstone of Mordor. His description of the science behind the lava and hot ash spewed forth by Mount Doom would probably lull me to sleep as I go to meet my maker.
Not a bad way to spend the end of days.
3. The sexy rockstar
Yes Messieurs Brian Cox and Idris Elba, I mean precisely you.
Blessed with beautiful minds, voices, and err, faces, these men can read aloud the ingredients list on your average kids’ cereal box and make it sound poetic.
Not content in their roles as wonders of the universe themselves, they help bridge scientific content to the wider population, their words resonating deeply within a transfixed audience (possibly made up largely of female humans and their progeny).
4. The mad scientist
Exploding test tubes, crazy static-electrified hair, googly glasses, stained lab coat. He is perhaps best personified by loveable living icon Bill Nye the Science Guy.
The mad scientist’s narration is one hyper sequence of exclamation marks and bold statements. As my son Jordan would say, he puts the “fun” in “fungi” and would definitely be represented by hydrogen on the periodic table (as opposed to say, argon).
You tend to find this guy on science shows targeted at kids or those who are hard of hearing. He’s awesome in small doses.
5. The “world is going to end tomorrow” guy
You know this guy. He’s the guys who says, when Earth emerges unscathed from a near-miss asteroid collision, “The human race has survived. But for how long? How long till Earth is finally faced with total destruction? Dun dun DUN!”
He’s the guy who describes a day in the savannah like the host of America’s Most Wanted. You’ll find him hosting shows like “MEGA VOLCANO” or “I SURVIVED A DEADLY TSUNAMI”.
I somehow don’t think he and the other narrators would be that fond of each other.
But wait, I forgot the sixth voice. Well, I didn’t technically forget, it’s just that this narrator hasn’t really popped up yet. I really hope she does though.
You see, after going through the entire pantheon of science narrators, I found myself wondering where she was. Where was her voice?
That’s right. For every David Attenborough, there is a Jane Goodall. Each of these narrative tropes has its female equivalent. When I think God-voice, I hear the splendid tones of Maya Angelou in my head. The same way I think Scarlet Johansson in the movie “Her” could make even the most uncurious (male) venture into science.
So media content producers, I think it’s time. Let’s call it the Iron Revolution. Where we put the “Fe” in male narratives.
How about it?
This article is from a monthly column called Mushroom Mum. Click here to see the other articles in this series.
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Source: Asian Scientist Magazine; Photo: Tim Wilson/Flickr/CC.
Disclaimer: This article does not necessarily reflect the views of AsianScientist or its staff.
