AsianScientist (May 13, 2015) – When we moved our family from Singapore to New Zealand late last year, I expected to face lots of teething issues with the kids. Change in diet; new climate; many layers of clothing; new school; new friends… It was a long list.
One thing I underestimated, though, was the shift to a sporting culture. I knew that Kiwi life centered around sport: playing, watching, discussing it. But it was only when I saw the playground at our local primary school that I realized the significance of this for my introverted, science-loving kid.
It was Jordan’s first day of school. When we got there, all the kids seemed to be immersed in some game or another. A group of girls were playing touch rugby, a boisterous bunch of boys were kicking a football around, and others had organized themselves into little groups playing cricket and basketball.
I looked at Jordan and felt that if he was going to fit in and make friends, he would need to play some kind of group sport. The question was: who were his people, his tribe, and how would he find them?
I started—unsubtly and unsuccessfully—by steering him towards the football kids.
“Hey, those kids look like they’re having a great time playing football! Maybe you’d like to join them?” was met with an offhand “Not really.”
Another time, I asked Jordan what his favorite thing to do at lunch time was.
“Go to the library to look at dinosaur books or hunt for mushrooms in the courtyard.”
“Alone?” I asked.
“Yeah. Sometimes there are one or two others with me.”
“Hmm, that sounds great! Hey, you know what else sounds fun? Playing football with some of your classmates!” I inwardly cringed at my too-jovial voice.
A pause and Jordan looked me straight in the eye and said, “It’s ok mummy, I really prefer fungi to football.”
So that was the end of that.
Raising an introverted, scientist-in-the-making
As the weeks went on, I found myself dwelling on how to help Jordan widen his social circle through sports. Then, several serendipitous moments caused a mini-epiphany in me.
First up was a comment his teacher made in passing at a parent interview.
“Jordan makes full use of his time at school,” she’d said.
It assured me then that, alone or not, he seemed to be constructively occupied and happy. When I mentioned his tendency to be by himself or with another friend at lunchtime instead of joining the other kids in their games, she smiled.
“He hangs out with the kids he can relate to. And don’t worry about group sports, he might end up being more of a marathon runner or kayaker!”
Second was a wonderful infographic about how to care for introverts that was making the rounds on social media. When I first saw it, there were so many “Aha!” moments that I felt sure the person who came up with these tips must know Jordan personally. It put into words a few of the hard-won lessons I have learnt in my parenting journey and brightened the pathway that we now found ourselves on.
“Don’t push them to make lots of friends.” Of course! I should have known better. I was guilty of transferring my own extroverted “the-more-friends-the-merrier” values onto my perfectly content “I-love-being-by-myself” son.
It wasn’t so much that Jordan wasn’t into group sport, but more that he just wasn’t really into large groups of people.
And it certainly wasn’t about lack of fitness. He has loved going on long walks since he was little. He has hiked from one end of Sentosa to the other and always preferred walking the eleven stories up to our apartment to taking the elevator.
And the last event was truly an I-love-the-Internet moment, a perfect example of the profound power the Internet has to bring together communities of people with shared interests. Jordan had made a few mini documentaries about his favorite science topics and posted them on YouTube. He was delighted when he saw that people were watching his videos. But it was a wonderfully affirming comment from an amateur mycologist from the Netherlands on his mushroom video that made his day.
“I was completely blown away by your video,” the commenter had said.
He went on to explain his own mycology journey, from being fascinated by mushrooms as a young child to the university biology student he was today and how he saw so much of Jordan in himself. It was like a message from the future—Jordan’s future. And it really inspired him.
It brought to mind another tip from the infographic, about enabling introverts to find one best friend who has similar interests and abilities. I realized then that even helping Jordan to find one treasured member of his “tribe” was far more significant than hoping he would join the crowd playing football on the school field every morning.
So if like Jordan, you (or your kid) prefer fungi to football, I say, “Stick with your passions, keep calm and mushroom on!”
This article is from a monthly column called Mushroom Mum. Click here to see the other articles in this series.
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Copyright: Asian Scientist Magazine; Photo: Shutterstock.
Disclaimer: This article does not necessarily reflect the views of AsianScientist or its staff.
