Gratitude Can Win You New Friends

Parents have long told their children to mind their Ps and Qs, and to remember to say thank you. Australian scientists have now uncovered why this could be important.

AsianScientist (Sep. 3, 2014) – Australian scientists have found that thanking a new acquaintance for their help makes them more likely to seek an ongoing social relationship with you. These findings have been published in the journal Emotion.

The study, led Dr. Lisa Williams from the University of New South Wales and Dr. Monica Bartlett of Gonzaga University in the US, was designed to test a theory proposed two years ago to explain the benefits to individuals and society of the emotion of gratitude.

This find-remind-and-bind theory suggests gratitude helps people develop new relationships (find), build on existing relationships (remind), and maintain both (bind).

The researchers recruited 70 university students, who were each led to believe that they were mentoring a high school student. The mentors were then asked to comment on a university admissions essay, supposedly written by the mentee.

In reply, all mentor participants received a hand written note from their supposed mentee. In about half the cases, the note included an expression of gratitude: “Thank you SO much for all the time and effort you put into doing that for me!”

The university students who were thanked were more likely to provide their personal contact details—such as their phone number or email address—to the mentee, than those who were not thanked. The grateful mentees were also rated as having significantly warmer personalities.

The results provide unprecedented empirical evidence that perceived warmth, as demonstrated by the grateful mentees in the study, could facilitate the development of new relationships and social bonds.

“Saying thank you provides a valuable signal that you are someone with whom a high quality relationship could be formed,” says Dr. Williams.

“Our findings represent the first known evidence that expression of gratitude facilitates the initiation of new relationships among previously unacquainted people.”

“With more people communicating by social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, it would be interesting to find out whether just observing someone express gratitude increases another person’s desire to form a relationship with them.”

The article can be found at: Williams et al. (2014) Warm Thanks: Gratitude Expression Facilitates Social Affiliation in New Relationships via Perceived Warmth.

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Source: University of New South Wales; Photo: stephendepolo/Flickr/CC.
Disclaimer: This article does not necessarily reflect the views of AsianScientist or its staff.

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